Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label jokes. Show all posts

Friday, August 24, 2007

Only a true friend could ....

'True' Friendship - None of that Sissy Crap

Are you tired of those sissy 'friendship' poems that always sound good,
But never actually come close to reality?
Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship.
You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card-
Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship

1. When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against
The sorry bastard who made you sad.
2. When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3. When you smile -- I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.
4. When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
5. When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much Worse it could
be until you quit whining.
6. When you are confused -- I will use little words.
7. When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well Again.
I don't want whatever you have.
8. When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
9. This is my oath.... I pledge it to the end. 'Why?' you may ask;
'because you are my friend'.
Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it,
But only you can feel the true warmth.>>

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Oh my Lord I cannot take the seriousness of it. This religion thing is way to serious to keep anyones attention for long.....
So here are words of advice and some helpful hints for us all to use in day to life and our prays enjoy:

Lord Help Me to Be The Person My Medication Wants Me to Be.

Lord Help Me to Be The Person That the Voices Tell Me to Be

Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?

Don't think God has a sense of humor? Look at the platypus

My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't

God Is Coming And Boy Is She Pissed

God is not dead. He just couldn't find a parking place

God must love stupid people, he made so many

The Big Bang theory: And God said 'Pulleth my Finger'

Heaven doesn't want me And Hell is afraid I'll take over

The more you complain, the longer God lets you live

The way I drive, I've gotta have Faith!

I'm not lazy, I'm just practicing for the here-after

I’m an agnostic dyslexic insomniac that lies awake all night wondering if there really is a dog